Monday, April 29, 2013

Ready for bikini season?

Michelle Rodriguez . . . a definitive YES!

michelle rodriguez beach bikini

Kelly Osbourne . . . uhh . . . I'm going with NO here . . . eesh!

kelly osbourne chubby bikini

Monday, April 22, 2013

Bucs sign Darrelle Revis

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers today announced the signing of cornerback Darrelle Revis in a trade with the N.Y. Jets.

Bidding against themselves, the Bucs got Revis for a first round pick in this week's draft (#13) and a conditional pick in next year's draft. They also signed Revis to a six year contract that does not contain any guaranteed money, something a little unheard of these days in professional sports.

In Revis, the Bucs now actually have a defensive backfield, something that was woefully lacking last year. It was maddening to watch lumbering tight ends sprint by hapless corners and run free for easy passes against the Bucs in game after game. The four time Pro Bowl corner will effectively seal off half the field (fingers crossed) to allow the highly touted Mark Barron to come into his own as a defender on the other side and improve the defense overall.

Revis is coming off a season ending ACL (I think) injury, that happened early enough last season that he should be ready for training camp and opening day this year.

I said last year that I was liking the way new coach Greg Schiano has been going about rebuilding this team. With the amount of money the Bucs are under the cap, they've got the luxury of shopping a bit for impact players and have done quite well so far. It's just one signing, but it is a nice positive to start the 2013 season. With hope we'll get some quality guys in the draft, and the team will finish much better than last season.

And this just in . . . Miley Cyrus is still crazy slender and leggy:

miley cyrus cheeky white shorts

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Movie review -- Bikini Girls on Ice

Found this a little while ago, digging deep in the pay-per-view stuff. It only caught my eye because former Rule 5 beauty Kerri Taylor is in it. I'm thinking it might be a hoot, so I gave it a look.

Now this isn't a "bad" movie, but it is a straight to video release (I think), so I'm expecting some low budget stuff, plus copious gore and gratuitous nudity. I got two out of three, sadly not the one thing I was looking forward to :-(

Anyway, the film starts out -- lonely road, late at night, girl driving alone talking on her cell. Naturally her phone loses reception just as she arrives at a gas station where she hopes to get directions. She climbs out of the car wearing jeans shorts and a bikini top ('cause what else would a comely girl wear whilst driving late at night?). The station is all lit up, door's open, phone inside works (I'll come back to all that later). There's one of those old school cold cases chugging away in a separate room, the gal checks and it's full of ice. Hmmm . . .

She calls her friend on the station's phone and returns outside. When she tries to leave, her car won't move despite her gunning the engine. She gets out and finds a chain tying her to something. While looking under the car, she/we see feet running towards the car, someone jumps on top and when she looks up, hits her in the head with an axe. The killer carries her body inside, lifts the lid of the cold case and drops her on the ice. Ta Da!

I should point out here, that the killer looks to be just a really big guy, wearing overalls with the name Moe on them. He's got the de rigueure look of stringy wet hair, big maniacal eyes and insane grin . . . basically your typical WWE wrestler.

So anyway, we switch to generic college campus, thence into a dorm room where we meet virginal heroine girl. She's a soccer star at the school who receives letters from Division 1 schools like University of North Carol and the University of Lorida. Nope, not typos, they whited out the letters, I assume, to avoid problems with the schools. This is where, were I making this movie, I would apply P.T. Barnum's axiom about no such thing as bad publicity. Let them sue, think of all the extra eyes that would have driven to your little flick. Just sayin'

Our girl's roommate comes out modeling a bikini and asking if it makes her boobs look great. Answer = no. She's picked one out for heroine girl, since she's too shy to wear a bikini in public. It's from Ujena. I know that because Ujena gets name dropped about 5 times in the scene, so I'm assuming serious but unsubtle product placement here. Also, judging from the bikinis in this movie, I think Ujena must have dipped into their "this sh*t ain't sellin'" bin because with only a few exceptions, these are some pretty bland bikinis in this movie.

But the gals are having a car wash to fund the soccer team. Because college teams are always doing that, right? Yeah. We next meet cliche nerdy guy and his sort of hunky friend. Nerdy guy has the impossible crush on the team leader and hopes he'll get lucky by organizing the car wash and he needs hunky guy to drive the bus because he's the only guy on campus with a chauffeur's license. We meet the team leader, one of three mean girls type, one of which is my girl Kerri. We know they're bitchy because they are drinking martinis during school hours. Plus Kerri says "f*ck" so we know she's a bad girl.

Well, off we go to the car wash. Naturally the bus breaks down. You know where it's gonna break down. Virgin girl and her roommate get there via roommate boyfriend's car (crapped out Firebird, I guess no money for decent cars in the budget). Hunky guy is a mechanic, so he thinks he can fix the bus using all the parts in the gas station. They decide to have the car wash there . . . on this lonely road in the woods. ?!?!  But they hook up the hoses and they're off and washing. Probably the most unsexy car wash I've ever seen in the movies. Cameron Diaz' over the top action in Bad Teacher was hotter than this and her movie was rated PG-13.

We also get some random couple who speak French walking up looking for gas and another cliche -- the town crazy old man who drives a truck he's named "Betsy" (of course, because all old crazy guys name their cars Betsy) who warns virgin girl and her roommate about the "abandoned" station and missing cars and so on.

But hold the phone . . . the station's abandoned? So why does the phone work? Why are the lights on at night? Why is the door unlocked? Why is there gas in a working gas pump outside? Why is the water still turned on? Inquiring minds want to know.

We also get the only nudity in the movie as Kerri takes some highly desirable young man around back for the full service *wink, wink* wash. We know he's hot because he's driving a hot car -- Chrysler PT Cruiser convertable! Aww yeah, baby! Total chick magnet, that sweet ride! The sex scene is sort of humorous, at least I'm pretty sure it was meant to be, but you at least get a glimpse or two of Kerri topless as she gives this guy an energetic f*cking he won't soon forget.

The killings start soon after. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to them, just a big guy clubbing or pounding or stabbing the gals to death. Lots of blood splatter, gore thrown at walls, nothing really too cringe worthy. And an endless supply of ice and cold cases to store the corpses in. And no explanation of that either.

The killer is the usual indestructible guy. He gets knee-capped with a tire iron, stabbed in the neck, ice pick in the eye and keeps on going like the energizer bunny. He has a collection of the blood splattered bikini tops off the girls he's killed in the movie hanging on a clothesline. A fetish? We'll never know.

The end sequences have so little logic to them, I'm assuming the guy who wrote the movie (Geoff Klein, who also directed it) had all the images/scenes in mind and no idea how to get them to run together logically so he just lined them up and figured movie goers wouldn't really care.

There's a few scenes in a house behind the station that crack me up. There's something about the scale of the house that looks wrong immediately from the outside. Once inside, you notice that the actors are ducking their heads to get through doorways. In the kitchen, hunky guy's head is almost level with the top of the cabinets. WTF?! You can hear when they walk, it sounds like they're on platforms or something. Can't imagine what that was about, but it sure is odd.

In the end, virginal heroine escapes, we think the killer is himself killed, but no, a final sequence shows he's still alive. After he's been shot twice. Uh huh. Whatever.

Ads for this flick talk about "A new slasher classic" and a brilliant mix of Friday the 13th and Urban Legend but in those films, you at least understood the motives or history of the monster so you could grasp why he was killing. We don't get that here. And the killings aren't inventive or shocking ala Final Destination or something, just brutal bludgeonings.

Look, here's my thing -- like I said earlier, this isn't a bad movie, it's just not an above average movie. It looks clean -- nice cinematography, there's some decent, imaginative framing to some of the shots, but so much of it just jumps the shark of logic and reason, it's just *sigh* worthy. And not nearly enough skin to make me forget about the film's faults. At least distract me a little, dude :-)

Plus, I should also mention that the girl on the poster above is virginal heroine girl. And believe me, she is nowhere near that cleavagey or nipular in the movie. Talk about false advertising :-(

But don't despair, here's some real truth in advertising for ya . . . enjoy this little gallery of Kerri Taylor hotness I've assembled below:

kerri taylorkerri taylorkerri taylor kerri taylorkerri taylorkerri taylor

Did you find this review helpful? Check out my other reviews for my thoughts on the flicks and the occasional gallery of hotness that accompanies them:

So the Sox are still winning . . .

Boston won again last night, 6-3 against the Indians giving them a six game winning streak now.

Alfredo Aceves went 5 shutout innings before melting down in the 6th, giving up three runs and putting two more runners on base. Fortunately, the Sox are rocking an amazing bullpen at the moment which saved the game for them.

Junichi Tazawa came on and ended the threat with three quick outs, stranding the runners, then struck out the side in the 7th inning. Koji Uehara banged out a 1-2-3 eight, keeping his ERA at 0.00 for the season. And Andrew Bailey pitched a 1-2-3 ninth to seal the deal. This is how most teams draw it up every night, but of course it doesn't always work that way. Beautiful to watch when it does though.

Saw a lot of barking by the trolls on the Sox site about Farrell leaving Aceves in for the sixth when his pitch count was so high. Naturally hindsight is 20-20, and had Aceves gotten through the inning unblemished, it wouldn't have mattered. But it's early in the season, the Sox were riding a 5 game winning streak with their ace, Jon Lester on deck for the series finale. If you're going to take a chance and see where your projected long reliever's limits are, this is a good time as any.

Plus, Farrell certainly guessed correctly by putting Napoli in DH last night and putting Mike Carp at first. Kid went 3 for 3 at the plate, and drove in a run. Still early in the season, but Farrell seems to be doing okay as far as I can see. I'm one of the few who doesn't blame Bobby Valentine for last season's debacle. Joe Torre couldn't have managed that disfunctional group to any better finish. But for all the Jays fans who told us we'd regret getting Farrell in as manager, look at the standings dudes -- we're in first and looking way more competitive than anyone gave us credit for.

It seems silly to be talking about stuff like this with what happened in Boston at the race. But life goes on. We learned that about 9/11, you can't let acts of terror shut the country down. And I have to admit to getting a little misty when you see all these other MLB teams playing Sweet Caroline at their games as a salute to the Boston area. Nice show of class in such a competitive world.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Yep, it's Tax Day

Yep, the year is flying by and it is April 15th that lovely day when we have to get our taxes filed or postmarked to keep big nanny government off our backs.

Despite the ceaseless whining by conservative no-nothing pundits, the Post Office will have selected offices open until midnight tonite to get your procrastinated returns dated for today. Because we're cool like that! You know, customer service and all that.

My "procrastination" remark is completely without condemnation as I myself have not completed my taxes yet either.

If you're like me, and either need more time or do not have all your paperwork aligned, you can file IRS Form 4868 either electronically or by mail (must be postmarked by today) to keep you legal and stuff.

Though I do not generally pimp for other services, I've used these guys in the past and have been completely satisfied with their tax extension service:

It costs $9.95 (I think) and they aren't trying to sell you filing software or force you to do your entire taxes with them just to get to the extension. Their site is simplicity itself, takes only a couple of minutes, and you get a confirmation of receipt by the IRS in about 3 minutes.

Remember, an extension doesn't relieve you of your tax obligation or extend the time period to pay what you owe, if anything. You'll have to drop some coin when you finally file your taxes. No escaping it.

Good luck!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Sox win despite video game managing by Rays

The Red Sox beat the Rays in 10 innings yesterday 2-1.

A very satisfying pitchers duel between reigning Cy Young winner David Price and Sox ace Jon Lester. Price, who has struggled this season, always brings his A game to Boston. And Lester seems to have shrugged off the funk of last season, either due to the return of his old pitching coach in new manager Farrell or the removal of several clubhouse cancers in the off season.

Whatever the reasons, both pitchers were at their best and it was one of those classic games that you love to watch, no matter who you're rooting for. My big gripe came in the bottom of the 10th.

Jacoby Elsbury got on base, then stole third on an errant throw by the Rays catcher. With Shane Victorino at bat, Ray's manager Joe Maddon goes to home plate to clear his decision with the umpire to bring Matt Joyce in from the outfield to create a five-man infield.

Here's my thing -- this isn't Game 7 of the World Series here! We're 10 games into a 162 game season and Maddon's playing this like it's the deciding game on the fate of humanity! Seriously?! You brag all off season about your talented fielders, then don't trust them to make a simple infield play in late innings?!

This is some beer league, video game bullsh*t right here! This isn't Moneyball or Theo Epstein bringing in a Gold Glove infield to back up ground ball pitcher Derek Lowe or anything like that. What's next? Five outfielders? Three guys in right field when Papi's at bat? This is a perversion of statistical analysis applied to managing.

In the paper the other day, they were speaking about the Rays new decision making on infield alignments and how they're using data trends on hitters to decide where to position their fielders. The whole idea of the prototype baseball infield is that the field is effectively covered by the four infielders and the pitcher. If your guys are even remotely talented and athletic, they can cover the area and make plays. With this kind of video game managing, they guys look like fools when a batter hits one where, say, the second baseman should have been standing had Maddon not put him on top of the bag or something.

I get it, Joe Maddon's a smart guy. He wears trendy geeky glasses, he quotes philosophers in post game conferences. Just manage the game, dude! I'm glad the Rays lost in this case, this isn't the way the game should be played, imho.

And here's Jordan Carver looking pensive as she thinks on what I've just said as well as pondering the perils of the global shortage of bikini materials for full figured young ladies . . .

jordan carver pink juicy
jordan carver pink juicy

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

She's got the look

And here's a long time favorite of mine, Mischa Barton, rockin' some shredded shorty shorts . . .

mischa barton shredded shorts
mischa barton shredded shorts

Wasn't it just a couple of years ago she was going to start some swanky couture shop in England or something? Well, that's quite understandable, 'cause girlfriend's got all kinds of style going on right here! Aww yeah!

Been missin' your cuddly goodness, honey :-)

Rays working towards mid-season whining form

The Rays lost last night on a disputed . . . well, that's not accurate . . . a blown strike call in the ninth inning. Ump Marty Foster, initially claimed it was "close" but realized after seeing the replay that he missed it completely.

What's been missing in all the sturm und drang over this, is that Foster blew several calls in the same pitch sequence that would have given the advantage to Rangers closer Joe Nathan. Of course, no one's screaming about those. The whole thing looked like Foster knew he had missed some calls for Nathan already and decided he was going to make amends. His decision had been made to ring up Zobrist on the next close pitch. Problem was Nathan missed outside badly (it looked knee high on the replays, so I'm not giving folks the "low" complaint here) and Foster was already in full strike pump motion and couldn't call it back.

Wah, wah, wah . . . there's only going to be about a 1000 of those calls this season, get over it! We don't need robots or total reliance on FoxTrax (which misses plenty of times by my eyes) or replays or whatever. Human element, emotions, it's all part of the game. If the call had given the Rays the game, Rays fans would be shrugging their shoulders and smiling and saying they'll take a win any way they can get it.

The howling on the message boards is bad enough as well as my co-workers complaining that the Rays never get the close calls. Oh please! But Zobrist was in the paper saying he hoped the call "...doesn't end up costing us the playoffs in the end."

Dude . . . seriously?! One game in April . . . one game out of 162?! With seven guys on the team batting under .212, your top two pitchers struggling out of the gate . . . you've got more to worry about than one blown call. jeez

Along with the OMG face palms over last night has been the noise over Cy Young winner David Price's bad start. I've been loving the fan support claiming that his crappy start just shows "he's human", etc.

Really?! Dude's the reigning Cy Young winner. He should have come out of the gate smokin', with a chip on his shoulder as he tried to show everyone just how much he deserved last year's award. Instead, he's been tentative and hesitant on the mound. Remember a few years ago when James Shields flirted with the award? He came out the next season sort of slumpy as well. Not sure if there's a connection there or just coincidence, but who knows?

All I know is that Boston is leading the division, and the Yankees are in the cellar.

Life is good :-)

Oh, and here's some sideboob from the Tis . . . just because:

ashley tisdale sideboob

Sunday, April 7, 2013

So, how's baseball looking so far?

Well, we're six games into the new season. So how are my teams doing?

The Red Sox, who every prognosticator and sports writer decided would finish last in the AL East . . . is leading the East with a 4-2 record. Their fourth win came today in a 13-0 drubbing of the vaunted and endlessly touted Blue Jays.

The Sox are a completely different team than last year in oh, so many ways. I admit I watched Cherrington's off season acquisitions and thought (cautiously) that there could be a tremendous upside to his rebooting of this team. It seems that Cherri might have been on to something after all.

Lester and Buchholz seem like their old selves, both sporting sub 2.0 ERA's. Even Ryan Dempster wasn't all that bad in his loss, racking up 8 K's in a losing effort. The addition of Gomes and Victorino have added some gutsy speed to the team, enabling them to play a little small ball when necessary. And Middlebrooks and Napoli are bringing some lumber to the plate -- Middlebrooks hit three today plus a warning tracker, reminding everyone why the Sox were willing to dump clubhouse cancer Kevin Youklis without hesitation.

The bullpen is lethal as expected. Newly acquired Koji Uehara has been unhittable, Hanrahan has two saves and Bailey and Tazawa have been lights out as well. I imagine that as the season wears on, a late innings lead will be fairly safe. I am a bit disappointed that Lackey's (also 8 K's before going down) hurt already though. A year and a half out of baseball, and the dude goes down in his first outing. He may be back, who knows? But it's the only bummer so far for my boys up north.

And speaking of bummers -- the Rays (3-3 in the division) got pummeled by the Indians 13-0 (talk about synchronicity, eh?) today. Reigning AL Cy Young winner David Price was horrible today and only average in his other start, which was a win. The Rays were picked by SI to win the division, and had their style of play lauded by pretty much everyone.

Well, when your style of play is to hope your starters can throw eight innings of shutout ball every night and then hope that a group of guys who can't hit their weight will drive in a run somewhere . . . I don't know . . . but there's a reason why the Rays have been blasted out of the playoffs twice by the powerful Rangers. Not gonna get in and then win the Series with a lot of 1-0 games.

The aging Yankees and the big trading Jays are in the cellar and the Sox are on top. Nice way to start the year. I actually think it will be a fairly tight division this year and won't be surprised if there's only a half dozen games separating first from last by the time the year is over.

Oh, and by the way, Sophie Reade is fairly attractive:

sophie reade

'Cause I notice stuff like that :-)

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Safety tip of the day

With all this talk about the evils of texting whilst doing pretty much anything except sitting down on your sofa . . . wait a minute, isnt' that how I got my concussion? . . . anyways, you'd think kids today would be more careful.

But no. Here we have innocent young Amy Markham at the beach, blithely texting away, completely oblivious to the fact that she's falling out of her bathing suit. Scandalous!

amy markham beach bikini

Honestly, poor kid . . . she probably had to break off her conversation just to fix her bikini (a losing effort by the looks of things), such a shame. Tsk, tsk.

amy markham beach bikini

So play it safe, and be sure to wear proper attire while texting, kids.

You're welcome :-)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

If you have any spare time . . .

. . . maybe you ought to think about hittin' the gym there sweetheart

lindsay april bikini pic

Just sayin' cause here's some pics of the rarely employed, but always monied Lindsay Lohan at the beach, and she's looking a little frumpy for a 26 year old.

lindsay bruises and droopy ass in a bikini

I mean seriously . . . droopy butt, coke bloat belly . . . eesh! Plus, what's up with the bruises? Looks like she's been brawling with Britney over the last jello shooter at some dive bar.

lindsay fat belly in a bikini

Nice touch with the industrial strength bikini top though. After pics of her falling out of her top in the helicopter turned up online the other day, why take chances at the beach, right?