Lindsay's posing in a swimsuit

Lindsay Lohan is in Mauritius (which I had to GOOGLE to find out where it was), either for this photoshoot or as part of her usual globe trotting that she manages seemingly without ever actually drawing a paycheck.

The shoot is fairly unspectacular, but I do have to give mad props to the photographer for actually using a decent camera and professional lighting so the pictures actually look pretty good, photo-quality wise.

Lindsay, of course, is a different matter. She's only 29. Did you know that? She looks like she's in her 40's. A very hard 40's. She's never had any body tone to speak of, but she seems to have trimmed down a bit. Let's face it, what draws eyes to her is her chest and her casual attitude about showing it off. She's still got that, but boy, she could use a few years of clean living and happiness to get herself together.

And what's with the bruises on her arms?! She always seems to be bruised up. Does she just bruise easily? I hope it's not something else. No one needs that.

How 'bout that Tony Stewart?!

Big congrats to my boy Tony Stewart for winning the 2016 Toyota/Save Mart 350 today at Sonoma Raceway.

The win breaks an 84 race winless streak for Stewart but more importantly puts him into position to be in the Chase for the Championship at the end of his final season as a driver. Technically, he needs to gain 9 more points to get above 30th place in the standings, but that shouldn't be much of a problem as after a slow beginning, Tony and his new crew chief seem to be finding their stride.

It's been a brutal couple of years since Stewart won the Sprint Cup Championship. He lost most of a season with a broken leg, then during his return had a tragedy on a dirt track where another driver lost his life and the driver's family tried to take Stewart to court over the death. And just prior to this season, Stewart crushed a vertebrae in his back in a recreational driving incident, only just returning to the track a few weeks ago.

But my boy's back in it now. I was so pumped to see him win the race today -- leading the last few laps, he was passed by Denny Hamlin on the last lap only to bull his way past Hamlin on the final turn to win the race. Like when he won his last Championship -- he won because he refused to lose and when push comes to shove, literally, Smoke's the guy I want behind the wheel.

He's an old school driver's driver, one of the reasons A.J. Foyt allowed Stewart to bring his number 14 back into NASCAR after Foyt stopped driving.

Don't know if Tony's got a shot at the title this season. Such a fairy tale might be too much to hope for. But at least I've got someone to root for the rest of the year.

Congratulations Tony!

Maitland Ward says I did it better

My favorite redhead abandoned subtlety along with her bikini top to promote some clothing/swimsuit line called Starlit on Twitter recently.

I looked at some of the suits she was posing in and it looked like someone took generic bikinis and glued sequins on them. meh

Something tells me this designer was just looking for a chance to watch my girl change clothes on the beach.

Why didn't I think of that?

Ellen Page is topless in her new movie too

Ellen Page is topless in her new movie Freeheld which is about a lesbian police officer (I think) who finds out she has cancer and fights to secure benefits for her lover/domestic partner who is played by Page.

It's a movie about our current hot topic, so I guess we get some lesbian action in the movie. And with Page as one of Hollywood's most outspoken lesbians, I guess she felt it was worth it to give it her all for the film:

I'm ambivalent about Page as an actress. She's done a lot of work and I've seen her in a lot of movies. She's a serviceable actress, nothing she's done has ever blown me away but like Kristen Stewart in the previous post -- she gets the job done on camera and that's what it's all about at the end of the day.

Her politics are another matter and I commented a while back on the hypocrisy of someone with a $5 million net worth bitching about lack of opportunity in Hollywood. She went around with a movie crew trying to ambush various Republican candidates about their supposed homophobia during the primaries and her dressing down by Harvard debate champion Ted Cruz was priceless.

I don't know. Page seems like someone who is spending so much time trying to find a fight to fight, I wonder if maybe she's missing out on what a good life she has. Maybe she should just take a step back and enjoy things for a while.

Correction:
The movie in question here is not Freeheld but Into the Forest. Apologies for my goof.

Kristen Stewart is topless in her new movie

The above crappy screencap is from a recent Kristen Stewart flick called Personal Shopper, which may be about a personal shopper for some rich person, but I could be way off line about that. I imagine it is some artsy-fartsy number since it's being made in France so there may or may not be more of that sort of casual nudity so often found in movies made overseas by our artistic superiors, I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Skin is never a guarantee of success in the movie industry of course. They might have tried that with American Ultra which got savaged by the critics (45% on Rotten Tomatoes), but who can say.

K Stew showed some brief skin in that Jack Kerouac thing On the road:

But that flick had a worse Rotten Tomatoes score than Ultra, so those folks that say nothing can save a bad movie might be right after all.

While I'm on the subject -- let me say a few words about American Ultra. I remember the brutal response of critics when this came out. It was so bad that the director was on Twitter and Facebook lashing out at those who savaged his film. The movie is out on cable now. I've seen it a couple of times and don't understand all the hub-bub.

The premise is basic -- a stoner living the blissful life with his stoner girlfriend in some woodsy town in West Virginia isn't the town f*ck up after all. Underneath the haze of pot smoke is a CIA experiment -- a young third strike offender who volunteered for a test program. One that turned him into a programmable killer, embedded with gigabytes of knowledge and killing techniques. When the program was shut down, his memory is erased, he's programmed with enough neurosis to keep him from leaving town or amounting to anything and left to live out the rest of his life in a pot-hazed peace.

Only when someone tries to kill him are his abilities re-awakened, but not entirely, and the movie is about finding out exactly who and what Mike Howell actually is.

Jesse Eisenberg does a good job as Howell. K Stew does a good job as his stoner girlfriend Phoebe, who actually was Howell's handler at the CIA but refuses to come back in after placing Howell in West Virginia. There's the typical over-the-top violence that is prevalent in these comic/drama action flicks and some political themes as the CIA is depicted as an agency of rogue psychos. And the black helicopter crowd's favorite conspiracy of an Ultra program thrown in for good measure.

I simply don't get the hate over this flick. It's on cable now, check it out and decide for yourself. Maybe I missed something. But hey, you got a little Bella Swan skin in the post . . . so there ya go.

Movie review -- The Intern

Prior to Frontier taking over Verizon as my cable provider, I found this little film on the 10 minute free preview section of the On Demand area. Sadly, most of that doesn't work now. And yet Frontier keeps charging full price for cable service while not providing full services. Go figure. Anyway . . .

The Intern stars Robert DeNiro as Ben Whittaker, a 70 year old widower who spent 40 years in marketing, advertising and production of physical phone books. Retired now, Ben spends his days doing Tai Chi in the park, going to the endless funerals of his contemporaries and dodging the bluntly amorous and unwanted advances of Linda Lavin who doesn't hesitate to remind Ben that he isn't getting any younger.

Ben sees an ad for senior interns as one of these up and coming internet companies and decides to give it a go. Most of Ben's back story is delivered via his video resume/application. It's endearing and delightful and gets Ben an interview at About the Fit, an online clothing store started by Jules Ostin, played by Anne Hathaway, a mom who realized that at the end of the day, a woman with a glass of wine and a laptop had real buying potential.

The company has skyrocketed in 18 short months from a bare bones staff of 20, to over 200 employees, a huge workplace in a redeveloped old factory in Red Hook and is experiencing all the growing pains commensurate with that quick growth. Jules herself is harried and obsessively hands-on, taking customer complaint calls personally, travelling to the warehouse to show how to properly pack shipments, etc. Her home life is suffering as her stay-at-home husband wants some "me" time, and her impossibly precocious daughter doubts her mom can do normal "mom" stuff like make guacamole.

There are several threads running through the movie -- Ben acclimating to the new age workplace with its open floor plan, people bringing their pets to work, no one actually comes over and asks for something, they just send an e-mail to whoever is sitting two feet away, and so on. Jules is under pressure from her investors to hire a CEO for the company to keep the trains running while she handles the inspiration part of the business. And Jules isn't crazy about an intern working with her, especially an older one.

Naturally their relationship grows from the awkward beginnings into a true friendship/mentor type of thing. Thankfully the writers avoided what most filmmakers would have done and gone for a May-December attraction bit. But Jules comes to trust Ben's business advice as she realizes he has no other agenda than to help the company and her, both professionally and personally. It is a refreshing relationship portrayal and one this old guy enjoys seeing on the screen.

Something else this old guy liked was the appearance of a workplace crush for Ben in the form of Rene Russo's character, Fiona. When I think of Russo, my first thought always goes to this image of her:

Russo is 62 years old now and looks fabulous. And it's nice to see both her and DeNiro playing their ages in a movie and looking awesome doing it. In this movie, Russo's character is an e-commerce masseuse and her introduction to Ben is a hilarious moment in the movie.

It's also enjoyable to watch DeNiro's wonderfully expressive face put to good use here. He conveys pages of dialogue with simply a look, something commented on by Jules at one point in the movie. And equally fun is Ben's occasional "get off my yard" shtick as he goofs on the young guys at the company for dressing like slobs and not knowing why a gentleman carries a handkerchief and so on. If he had told one of them to take a shave and do something with their f*cking hair, he would have hit my personal trifecta.

A word about Anne Hathaway here too. She does a great job in this movie. I've never understood the sh*t she takes from critics and childish internet bloggers. She is classically beautiful and takes her craft seriously. I've never seen her in anything where she didn't turn in a skillful performance, and this film is no exception. She's funny when she needs to be and emotional when that's needed and other than one moment of clumsy dialogue (and that's not her fault), she is spot on in this movie from start to finish. Frankly her critics need to shut the f*ck up about her and try to enjoy a legitimate and talented actress at work.

All in all, I highly recommend this movie if you want something simply enjoyable to watch. The Intern has made its way into my default movie list -- I'll watch it anytime it's on and not be disappointed. Give it a try.

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Here's a little gallery of Rene Russo and Anne Hathaway hotness to round things out nicely:

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Did you find this review helpful? Check out my other reviews for my thoughts on the flicks and the occasional gallery of hotness that accompanies them:

Dem lawmakers are f*cking babies

Democrat lawmakers are having a sit in in the House or Senate, I really don't care which, to protest that SOMETHING has to be done after the recent terrorist shooting.

That something is the No fly, no buy law that was recently voted down in Congress. A law that even the f*cking ACLU doesn't like because it denies law abiding citizens due process under that pesky Constitution thing that conservatives are always going on about.

Never mind that the law would not have stopped any one of these terrorist attacks. NOT ONE! No, these shameless opportunistic fuckers seek only to push through their holy grail of gun confiscation and repeal of the Second Amendment at any cost.

It is important to note that a version of that bill would have passed if Democrats had allowed it to get to cloture. But they denied themselves that because the bill had provisions in it to protect the rights of innocent Americans. That whole due process bugaboo again.

Fuck these assholes! I don't know which chamber this is happening in, but if these idiots want to act like spoiled babies, I'd treat them like that. I'd make sure C-Span was rolling, then I'd hand out diapers and baby bottles to the protesters. I'd march Republican lawmakers right over top of them to get to their seats. I'd deny any food or water in the chamber and so on. Let's see how long these pampered pussies last in a real protest situation. I'm guessing not long.

The whole problem with this No fly, no buy legislation is that it relies on the government to decide, without transparency or guidelines, who is deemed too dangerous to fly on a plane, and thusly, who cannot purchase a firearm. Your rights are cancelled by government caprice. Period.

Think back 7 years. Obama's head of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, issued a report stating that conservatives who openly believed in limited government, a balanced budget and adherence to the Constitution were potential domestic terrorists. Remember that? With that purely political categorization, over 50 million honest law-abiding Republicans would be denied the right to exercise their Second Amendment rights.

Ridiculous! Absurd! Un-Constitutional!! And even the disgusting ACLU agrees with me. What does that tell you?

You want to stop these terrorist shooting sprees? Kill these fucking terrorists! Put some boots back on the ground in the mid-East, hunt these f*ckers down and wipe them out. Period. Untie our military's hands and let them do their jobs.

Quit playing politics with these tragedies. Quit curtailing the rights of law-abiding citizens.

Kendall Jenner says I did it first

Not to be outdone by a rookie, Kendall Jenner went out sporting her own see-through black top ensuring that her own pierced nipple was on full display for anyone that cared to look:

Chloe Grace Moretz has pierced nipples

18 year old actress Chloe Grace Moretz went out on the town with her mother recently. I'm not sure what the weather is like in California right now -- it's 90+ degrees here and humid as f*ck, but Chloe paired a see-through black top with a denim jacket worn over her shoulders.

I'm reminded of when my son got his first tattoo (on his calf) and he started wearing knee-high socks when he had previously spent every other waking moment of his life in ankle socks. I don't know if he thought he was getting one past me, but the sudden odd fashion change didn't go unnoticed by this parent. I wonder about Chloe's mom, because the demon of flash photography revealed another fashion accessory young Chloe was sporting . . . yep, pierced nipples:

I'm not an expert in these things, but it has been my experience (don't ask) that girls usually only pierce one nipple. Not sure what her thoughts are here, she's taken some unnecessary grief over her late blooming physique from the prurient blogging crowd, but along with the ink she's sporting nowadays . . . I guess it's a teen thing.

And going out with mom in a see-through top?! So glad I didn't have a daughter. A public fashion display like that would have killed me right on the spot.

On a simply fashion advise note -- I feel for Chloe's attempt to find flattering looks for her unconventional body. She's got preternaturally long legs that make the current fashion of high-wasted jeans unbecoming on her. She can pull off the shorts look well, and low-rise pants lengthen her torso a bit, something she should consider imho.