Friday, August 26, 2016

Here's Donald Trump's top pick for Secretary of State

lindsay lohan will be donald trump's sec of state

Why are you laughing?

This dumbass has been braying since the primaries began about how he was only going to have the best people around him . . . how he was this great judge of talent . . . they'd be winning so much people would get sick of it . . . yada, yada, yada.

By any impartial analysis, his campaigns, both for the nomination and now the Presidency, have been a disaster of epic proportions, a nightmare of mismanagement. Were it not for the $2 billion in free advertising thrown his way by the media, we'd be talking about Rubio v Clinton or Cruz v Clinton or Walker v Clinton right now.

But look at Lindsay here. Despite almost no marketable skills, and a reputation practically on life support, she gets someone to pay for her room at the Chateau Marmont. She gets shieks and sultans and bigwigs around the world to fly her over to be their arm candy for this event or that.

Despite absolutely nothing happening in terms of a career in movies or music, she's always on the top of every celeb/tabloid blog or newsfeed or whatever. Sort of like the spray-tan jackass himself.

And now comes news that she's negotiating to appear on some show in Russia called Let them talk.

Her asking price? $860,000 plus full and effective security during her stay. Plus a fully paid suite at the Ritz Carlton (they have one of those is Russia?). Plus a meeting with Vladimir Putin.

Wanna bet that she gets it? You think John Kerry could negotiate a deal like that? His idea of a bargaining chip is some coke-addled warbler from the 60s. Don't know how Linds manages to wrangle the goodies like she does, but if his yugeness is looking for the "best" person to be Secretary of State in a Trump administration, I'm sure he'll have Linds on the short list, 'cause she's his kind of celeb/negotiator.

lindsay lohan nude
lindsay lohan nude
lindsay lohan nude
lindsay lohan nipple
lindsay lohan ass for terry richardson

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Hey Ann Coulter, how's that single issue voter thing working out for you, dumbass?!

Back when the primaries were just getting under way, Ann Coulter lashed herself permanently to the front of the Trump train when Trump began making xenophobic and patently absurd claims about his plans to curtail illegal immigration in this country.

Coulter, who is permanently on a book selling tour, had hit her nirvana as her recent book was about illegal immigration. She declared herself, proudly, a one issue voter, sending out the now memorable tweet about how she didn't care if Trump was performing abortions in the Lincoln bedroom as long as he signed this draconian immigration bill into law.

Well, Trump's the Republican candidate now. And we're witnessing what some pundits are dubbing The Softening, as Trump, who's already walked back every single position he staked out in the primary season, is now really walking back his position on illegal immigration.

In fact, I think Trump is even farther to the left than the notorious Gang of Eight bill that torpedoed Marco Rubio's Presidential run.

Ann's doing the talk show rounds, which is what she always does along with spitting out books a pace that would humble L. Ron Hubbard, and she's doing her best to soft talk her spray-tanned god into rethinking his most recent flip-flop.

*insert Nelson laugh here*

Those of us who were Never Trump before there was a hashtag tried to warn people about what was coming -- Donald Trump is a lifelong progressive Democrat. He's financially supported socialist/progressive Democrats his entire life and comes from and lives in the most progressive/liberal city in America after the nutbag pervert haven that is San Francisco. Of course, he's going to adopt liberal political positions, that's who he is . . . always was. And he warned you this was coming. He said repeatedly during the primaries that he would be something completely different when/if he got to the White House. He bragged about how his supporters blindly support him no matter what he says and does. And he's been right about that to be sure.

Trump's supporters are twisting themselves into knots trying to resolve his newest persona. It was just barely a week ago, after bringing on the thuggish Steven K. Bannon from Trumpbart . . . I mean Breitbart News to run his campaign, that Trump was bragging about how he wasn't going to change a thing . . . go down to defeat being himself . . . yada, yada, yada.

But getting his ass handed to him in the polls, now he's doing that pivot thing that everyone who blindly supports him was hoping for. And with that pivot making him more liberal than the worst conservative candidate Republicans could have possibly nominated, the Vichy right is in a real quandary.

I've seen other posts about whether we're supposed to be "conservatives" or "Republicans." I thought those terms were supposedly synonymous. Guess that's no longer the case.

So Ann, if you're reading this . . . nice job dumbass. You've helped throw away a gimme election for conservatives. If you've got a moment, go read this little post from the beginning of the primary season.

You and the rest of the shallow thinkers in the pundit/blogger/commentator sphere forced this clown on us. You own him.

Still defiantly #NeverTrump

btw -- saw this little photoshop of the latest cut and paste book Ann spat out after Trump secured the nomination. I added a few embellishments of my own:

ann coulter is a fucking alt-right moron!

Courtney Stodden is in mourning, in her own sort of way

courtney stodden beach bikini

I posted a little while back about Courtney Stodden's trailer park stylings with her pregnancy wardrobe. We got news recently that she apparently had a miscarriage and lost her child.

I'm not one to make light of that situation. I've had friends whose wives had miscarriages, I've know women who themselves have miscarried. It's a brutal thing to endure. And everyone deals with it in their way. But I'm not sure this is how anyone I know would have handled this moment in their lives:

courtney stodden beach bikini
courtney stodden beach bikini

Calling your favorite paparazzi and scheduling a candid photoshoot on the beach in a tiny bikini while you guzzle champagne out of a bottle just seems a little . . . you know . . . self-serving. Or maybe contrived.

Some of the celeb blogs that first reported on this headlined these shots with how emotional she got during the shoot.

courtney stodden beach bikini

I don't know, maybe I'm just getting old or something, but I cried harder than that when I had to drop my dog off at the SPCA because I couldn't bring her to the apartment my son and I moved into after my marriage broke up.

The reality show ethos seems to be infecting (yes, I chose that word specifically) everything in our lives now. How many times have you seen someone in casual conversation make that over-exaggerated double-take look when they want to express dismay? Disagreements instantly devolve into slapping and fighting and finger-wagging head-popping "Oh no you didn't!" gesturing.

Culture always evolves. Not sure this is going the right way.

courtney stodden nipple beach bikini
courtney stodden beach bikini

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Because I'm a helpful sort of guy

If you've ever needed some visual confirmation of exactly what a famewhore is, other than looking at one of the Kardashian/Jenner clan, here's a little tutorial for you.

This is Jemma Lucy. Apparently she's some Brit from one of their always classy reality shows. Something about a beach, I'm not wasting time to find out about this chick. Anyway, here she is peeking out her front door with a bag of garbage in her hands:

jemma lucy skanky see thru underwear

The coast is clear, except for the paparazzi with the hi-def camera standing across the street (that she supposedly can't see even though he has a perfectly unobstructed view of her entire little travel), and off she goes to drop off her garbage. Cell phone in hand. And wearing what might charitably be called underwear, though for all intent she's buck naked:

jemma lucy skanky see thru underwear
jemma lucy skanky see thru underwear
jemma lucy skanky see thru underwear

I know, I know . . . she was in such a hurry to get that empty cardboard box out to the dumpster, that she didn't have time to throw on a robe . . . or shorts and a tee . . . or even actual underwear that isn't basically see-thru mesh and elastic. When you gotta dump your trash, you gotta dump your trash. Amiright?! *eyeroll*

Not that I'm a suspicious sort of person, but do you wonder if the reason she had her phone in her hand was that she just got done calling the pap to let him know she was coming out?

jemma lucy skanky see thru underwear

And by the way . . . where's the phone now?

And one more thing . . . sorry honey, there is such a thing as too much ink.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

This is kind of wild

thomas gibson fired from criminal minds

Reports have surfaced that Thomas Gibson has been fired from the CBS crime drama Criminal Minds, a show he has starred in for 11 seasons.

News from the studio states that Gibson had already been suspended for two episodes over an altercation with a writer/producer on the series. It is alleged that Gibson kicked this guy during an argument over a scene Gibson had been directing.

TMZ reports that Gibson had been sent to anger management classes back in 2010 after another on-set incident.

The studio says Gibson will appear in two episodes in upcoming season 12 and then be written out of the series.

wow

Criminal Minds has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. They've managed to do a pretty good job of delivering what Lance Henriksen once referred to as the killer of the week storylines.

Gibson has always been a dour presence on the show, despite beginning his career working in lightly comedic roles. Suppose it got to him after a while? Who can say.

The show has also had its share of hotties, AJ Cook being to only original hot girl left unless you include the Rueben-esque beauty Kristen Vangsness who plays the show's computer whiz/hacker type.

A few others have had short runs with the series -- Rachel Nichols and Jeanne Tripplehorn were mere blips on my radar. More recently they've done a yeoman's job trying to make double-wide Jennifer Love Hewitt not look ridiculous as an FBI agent. They do have a fitness requirement at Quantico, you know. Just sayin'

But my personal favorite was Paget Brewster. That long patrician face and busty figure . . . nice. Always made me wish the show was less grounded in reality so they could have had a bikini undercover thing at some point. *sigh*

Oh well. Be interesting to see how the show motors on without Aaron Hotchner. It wasn't as difficult to proceed without the self-important Mandy Patinkin, but Hotch has been the glue that has kept the series continuity through all the cast changes.

Here's a some random bits of hotness from the various gals in the show:

aj cook criminal mindspaget brewster criminal minds
aj cook sexyaj cook sexy
paget brewster sexypaget brewster sexy
kristen vangsness sexykristen vangsness sexy
gals of criminal minds sexy
paget brewster sexy lingerie

Sunday, August 7, 2016

So what's wrong with Suicide Squad?

what's wrong with suicide squad?

With the newest entry into the DC movie universe languishing at a 26% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and with your humble correspondent having seen the movie Friday night, allow me to add my two cents to what's gone wrong here.

Be forewarned: Spoiler alert!

Primarily, in my humble opinion, it starts with the trailers. You've seen them, right? Of course you have. The Bohemian Rhapsody video followed by a later version set to Ballroom Blitz, they were amazing.

When the idea of a Suicide Squad was first being floated, it wasn't received with much enthusiasm. A "team" movie made up up characters that the average movie fan knows nothing about? Say what you will about MARVEL's stuff, but even non comic book movie goers have heard of IronMan, Captain America, the Hulk, etc. But Deadshot? The Enchantress? El Diablo? Harley Quinn is probably the only one you might get a look of acknowledgement about from a casual movie goer.

So I imagine the studio, and perhaps producer Zack Snyder and writer/director David Ayer, decided to mimic the Deadpool gameplan and created an attention-getting trailer for their project. Mission accomplished. The Bohemian Rhapsody trailer was awesome. It was everywhere and got people really excited about this movie.

Problem is, the movie isn't anything like the trailer. Either trailer. And not just by a little bit. I'm no expert on this, but I would wager that this has been the biggest bait-and-switch in cinematic history. Let's take a look at what we think from the trailers . . .

Viola Davis plays Amanda Waller, who looks to be some sort of government advisor, pitching a team of, as she puts it really bad people who may be able to do some good. Problem? This implied vision of Waller is 180° off. I was going to use the word "sociopath" to describe Waller, but that's not strong enough. She's psychotic. Pure evil. Someone who will kill (personally, btw) a room full of FBI agents simply to cover her tracks. At various points in the movie she has nearly an insane gleam in her eye at the acts of carnage she is either unleashing or willing to unleash.

Rick Flag? Played by Joel Kinnamen, is supposedly the greatest special forces soldier in the country's history. He seems cool in a sort of hard-assed way, right? Nah. He's a dick. Half blackmailed into leading the Squad. He hates them, doesn't trust them and would happily waste the lot of them and continue the mission with his squad of Delta soldiers.

Oh yeah, the Suicide Squad goes on the mission backed by a squad of special forces soldiers. Didn't notice that in the trailer, did ya? Me neither. The Squad's supposed to be so awesome they need armed accompaniment? I thought that was what Deadshot was for.

On that thought, let's take a look at the team's makeup -- Deadshot, an assassin who never misses. That's handy. Harley Quinn, deadly as the Joker and twice as crazy. Okay. El Diablo, a human flamethrower. Also handy. The Enchantress, a 6000 year old demon witch with teleportation powers. Uhhh, okay. Boomerang, an uncouth Aussie brawler type. Uhh. Killer Croc, a crocodile/man thing. Perhaps. You see where I'm going here? They're not exactly The Avengers. And I know they're supposed to be anti-heroes and disposable, but even Flag points out he could put together a team of kick-ass special ops guys that would be better and more trust worthy than this lot.

Back to the trailers, you saw them, right? Think you know who the primary antagonist is in this movie? You're wrong. I certainly was. Because the ultimate baddy in this flick is completely out of left field. I've read various movie reviews and some (I'm looking right at you Armond White of National Review) spend a lot of time sh*tting on MARVEL properties. But, once again, in something like Avengers: Age of Ultron I not only know who the bad guy is, I understand his motivations, what his ultimate goal is, and understand how he hopes to achieve it. And not only that, taking a cue from classic monster stories, I have a bit of sympathy for the monster as I'm able to recognize part of the monster's pain in my own existence.

Not in Suicide Squad. The baddy is so unformed, so ambiguous as to be a cypher. And his minions? What exactly are they? We see how they're created, but what . . .? It's just hard to understand them. And the doomsday device the Squad hopes to stop? It is referred to as a machine. But unless you're going to dig way down into Websters to get a bland, generic definition -- a device to perform a function . . . I don't understand what it's doing or how.

From a purely literary construction standpoint -- there's no character growth or arc here. While the team eventually develops a bit of camaraderie, no one really changes. The one character who actually seems to make some moral/emotional growth . . . dies.

Oh yeah, some of the characters die. Which isn't always unexpected. Quicksilver was killed in the last Avengers movie, but still. And there's one character who seemed to have been brought in, like a security officer in the old Star Trek tv series -- just there to get killed off to prove a point about something.

And people we thought were killed in the movie make miraculous returns to life. One so absurd that even Will Smith's Deadshot wonders how the f*ck [this character] is still alive.

One other small misstep. Rent-a-lesbian Cara Delevingne's character The Enchantress. We get three different versions in the movie. In human form, we have June Moone a sort of mousy archeologist type. In demon form we get the smoky dark Enchantress, perpetually surrounded by a swirly dusty cloud. Something tells me that the producers or even writer/director Ayer got wondering whether burying a supermodel type under 10 pounds of makeup and a couple of gigs of cgi was a mistake. We get a more humanized version of The Enchantress in later stages of the movie, and it's a miss. Delevingne just isn't much of an actress and she just doesn't pull it off well. Pity.

It really isn't a bad movie. But I don't think it's an amazing enough movie to overcome the disappointment viewers have at not seeing the flick they were promised in the trailers. And at 2hr 10min, that's a long sit in the theater to stew in your frustration.

There is some fun stuff I liked. We get a look at the Smith in the full Deadshot outfit, complete with white mask & targeting eyepiece. In the Harley Quinn intro we get a brief glimpse of Quinn in the iconic red & black jester outfit. Incidentally, I have that Christmas ornament (have I ever mentioned how awesome my Christmas tree is? It rocks!) There's a scene where the team is being attacked by evil minions and as Deadshot mows them down, one by one the Delta guys stop shooting and watch, just amazed at Deadshot's ability. Also Smith teaching his young tween-ish daughter about geometry and she keeps referencing sniper techniques to try and apply the theory of angles and vectors in a real life situation.

We also get some BatFleck appearances in the various character intros. It sort of cracks me up that pundits and reviewers were predicting that Affleck's portrayal of the aged Batman would be a liability in the Superman v Batman movie and instead it worked out exactly opposite. Now we've got Affleck totally redeemed in the comic book to movie genre with two movies out in release and his part in the upcoming Justice League flick already in promotional trailers.

Bottom line is that this is a dark, somber sort of movie. It's not like the trailers at all. The rollicking Deadpool-like atmosphere simply isn't there. The stuff you laughed at in the trailers is spaced so far apart and often arrives in moments where audience chuckles feel almost forced. In fact, there's one fun scene in the trailers that doesn't even appear in the theatrical release.

I don't buy into the theory of a fanboy war between DC and MARVEL, with MARVEL fanboys spamming review sites to drive down the Rotten Tomatoes score. Movie goers were promised one thing and were delivered something else. It's basic commerce. You can't do that. And when the delivered commodity isn't superior or equivalent to what was promised, you get a lot of disgruntled customers. And in this age of instant transmission of our most mundane thoughts, that can be devastating.



One more thing I wanted to address -- Jared Leto's portrayal of The Joker.

I grow weary of people hurling themselves prostrate upon the floor, rending their garments and wailing about the transcendent nature of Heath Ledger's Joker. It was a wonderful job by Ledger, playing something so out of character. And that particular incarnation created by Chris Nolan and Ledger fit perfectly with the more real-world atmosphere Nolan was trying to bring to Batman.

But in my mind it wasn't any better than Jack Nicholson's Joker or the wonderful and under-appreciated version by Cesar Romero in the 60s television series. Each is artistic in its own portrayal.

The version is this movie is just as interesting. Taking the Nolan/Ledger path, he's anchored more in real life, with tattoos and a grill and his own style of speech and a wonderfully dangerous sounding laugh that never really gets heard in the movie (another thing from the trailers that never made it onto the big screen). Most of his dialogue comes from the Harley Quinn character intro and frankly seems to be a way to establish this Joker for future movie appearances.

Like Ledger, Leto went way outside his normal range of character portrayal to find his version of the Joker, and I think he did just as well. Problem is, this movie didn't feature the Joker and Leto didn't die afterward to add unearned gravitas to the role.

For what was there -- I liked Leto's version of the Joker. And if they haven't totally shot themselves in the foot with this movie, I'll look forward to seeing him reprise it, hopefully in more depth, in another movie.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Are you fired up about the Olympics starting this Friday?

I'm not.

I sorta gave up on them after the organizing committees decided to allow professional athletes to compete.

Look, I was as big a supporter of The Dream Team as anyone at the time. After a couple of Olympics where our college students couldn't win out over what were essentially pro teams from other countries, I didn't have a problem with the rules being changed so we could send our best (read: professional) athletes to compete as well. It was fun. Barkley, Jordan, all those guys . . . they threw a beat down on the world that said -- yeah, our best can beat your best.

But after the point was made, the USOC should have made the honorable (I know -- what am I thinking?) decision to voluntarily not send pro athletes anymore and return to the ideal of the Olympics -- the best in pure athletics, sport for the sake of competition and testing one's limits. Not stuffing one's wallet with cash.

Now we have the spectacle of Serena Williams lumbering down to Rio to win yet another gold medal in tennis. Serena is basically an NFL linebacker in a dress. She's going to thunder 150mph serves past spindly 97lb teenagers from outer west somewhereistan, probably racking up a couple of hundred aces as she crushes the field on her way to the medal round. She might have to actually make a couple of ground strokes per set in the medal round. And after winning another gold in straight sets, she'll dance around talking about how proud she is to represent her country and how this medal is so important to her, blah, blah, blah.

The only thing she's representing is herself. And her overinflated ego. Her sole purpose is to toss another trinket into the trophy case in her mansion and pose for a few more magazine covers.

It is obscene. It's a perversion of the Olympic ideal. And I can't watch it.

And this goes for the pro golfers and pro baseball players and pro basketball players, etc. Track and Field is a little less tainted. But still. These athletes making hundreds of thousands of dollars while training and traveling and competing year round, with the best support money can buy . . . like I said, obscene.

And one other thing. While Serena or Rory or some random NBA millionaire is sitting in luxury comfort in Rio, somewhere in this country (or some other country) there's a teenager who is at his or her physical peak. Everything in a decade long pursuit of this one moment has come together at just the right time. Their tiny window of opportunity is open. And some selfish, ego-driven professional millionaire just pushed them out of the way to feed their publicity machine.

And for that kid, this was a once-in-a-lifetime moment. They'll never get this chance again. These pros simply say they'll compete and the respective sport organizations happily push the nobody's out of the way to make room for the big guns.

It's a horrible, terrible way to crush someone's dreams. Selfish and shameful. Like I said . . . obscene. And that doesn't even take into account the athletes that make it to the games from other countries that get trampled under the feet of these arrogant millionaires on their way to adding a leverage chip to their next contract negotiation.

There will never be another Miracle on Ice another Mark Spitz or any of the other heart-warming moments we've enjoyed through the years. Because almost no one is an amateur anymore. Michael Phelps? He's not an amateur. He earns $6mil per year. So no waiting on tables for him while trying to fit his swim training in around his day-to-day job.

It's just taken the fun out of it for me. Maybe I'm being to cranky about it. I'll try to pay some attention, but it just isn't must watch tv for me anymore.